We sat outside my Turkish friend’s Napa Valley apartment smoking cigarettes and pondering where our lives would take us next. The rows of vines had turned yellow, Halloween had come and gone. The last fruit had been picked and it was time to move on. She held a degree in food science and had a good job back in Turkey doing quality control for some major food corporations. But when she found wine everything changed.
The economy in Europe made it hard for her to find full time work in wine production. She had traveled from harvest to harvest, continent to continent, and spoke four languages fluently. She would do anything, go anywhere, just to have those fickle fermentations at her finger tips.
She was worried about the crisis in Europe and I asked her if she couldn’t find a wine job, would she be willing to do something else. I’ll never forget her answer that night we sat huddled together under a blanket on the concrete patio with the stars bright in the black sky.
“Yeah, I could do something else,” she said. “But if it’s not wine, what’s the point?”
That’s when I knew my passion for winemaking was waning, or maybe never really there at all. I wondered if I’d ever find my true calling.
In the past week I’ve been pulled in so many different directions. Everyone seems to know exactly what I need. “Just find your own group of friends, those people you would die for.” “Find a job you love, one that allows you to travel.” “Go to the ashram in Seattle and do a work exchange for my guru.”
My own mind has been a carrousel of future possibilities. Backpack through Hawaii? Go on a bike tour? Every time I think about a land based adventure I feel guilty. Like i’m betraying the ocean. Like the sea is my master, and the land my mistress. Ever since my first sailing experience, crossing the Tasman sea three years ago on a yacht delivery, just looking out at the water does not suffice. Since I’ve left Sookie, I can’t even look any more. It hurts too much to sit on the beach staring at the great blue liquid and not be cradled by her gentle yet unruly spirit.
I saw a bicycle for sale on the side of the road and when I called the lady about it she lowered the price $100 and this morning the bike, a Panasonic Villager III, became mine. I withdrew the $150 from my account and was shocked at the remaining balance in my account. Seven dollars. For some reason, though, I’m not scared.
I went down to the marina and spent some time aboard my friend’s Flicka in the afternoon. I told her about all the different possibilities for adventures that had been dancing around in my brain.
“Yeah, I could do anything,” I said after we’d discussed each option ad nauseam. ” But if it’s not boats, what’s the point?”
I have read your Blogs on both sites and I’m wondering why you are not following your Dream? You seem to put up self made roadblocks and lose sight of your real Dream of Life. If you really want to follow your Dream it is really very easy to do. Save enough to be able to live for one month and get a plane ticket to Florida. There are a ton of sailboats in Florida for sail at very reasonable prices. There are a lot of jobs and it should be easy to put away enough for a sailing Kitty in no time.The Caribbean is close and an easy sail. What’s the hold up!
Hi Emily!
I was just thinking that you might like to join the WWS (Women Who Sail) group on Facebook. It is a closed group that supports all women who are involved with sailing. There are a variety of types of female “sailors” – old, young, new, experienced… but all very welcoming. One can pose a question or problem and be sure to receive many supportive responses. I really would highly recommend this group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/WomenWhoSail/ You would need to ask to join the group.
I hope you find what you are seeking…
xo
C
Hugs Emily! Holler if you are up this way again. You’ll find your path soon enough….and will know what it looks like when you see it. 🙂
Katie
Cathy that is so funny, I was just going to suggest the same thing. Emily, WWS is an awesome group and I know you would enjoy it as much as we would enjoy your input.
GREAT writing! Keep it up.
Is that a photo of a Cape Dory Typhoon? That’s my second boat. Favorite small boat of all time.
Hell yes it is. America’s smallest yacht. I love her tiny full-ish keel. I at one time fancied offering the guy $1 for every pound of ballast (900) as she was just sitting in the boat yard unused, but alas–something livable is what I want now. Plus the typhoon’s can fetch a pretty penny.
That’s actually a great offer! I have to think of that for the Typhoon that is sitting in a yard here. I read that you were thinking of a Flicka. That’s was on my short list, but they were very expensive. I just sold my big liveaboard. Kind of regretting it now. 🙁 Love your blog!
Is that a photo of a Cape Dory Typhoon? That’s my second boat. The best small yacht!